My mind drifts back in time on this day, to a very happy time with my parents. I received my Michigan Bar results in their presence, while they visited me, on November 10, 1989. They rarely visited, so that was delightful enough, but to open that envelope as they watched, and while I shook, still fills my heart. I feared failing, as most of us did, so when I passed with even more points than I needed, I was shocked. My father cried, and so did my mother. We walked on air that day, and into the night at dinner with my mentor; a remarkable and gifted attorney that had taken me under his wing.
But, my father died the next month, and my mother, eleven months after that, to suicide. I didn’t really fly after that ceremony, because I felt the hollow momentum of achievement as the only strength to carry me. I floundered for years in my profession, feeling like a fish out of water in a world that felt like swimming with sharks. It’s taken me twenty years to understand why the facade cracked that held me hostage to trying to prove I was right, or good enough. Don’t get me wrong, the Law is a noble calling and a worthy profession, if one has a core strength and integrity to stay poised and sourced by something far greater than winning. I’m not my job these days, and that’s why I felt strong enough to leave a profession I once loved, to pursue a path that does resonate with me.
Within the next several weeks, my book, Going Naked, Being Seen : Mary Magdalene and Love’s Embrace, will be released in a joint promotion with three other fine women authors. I am more than honored to be among them and more than moved by how we all came together to carry out what often times felt impossible, alone. The truth is, I have never worked alone on this book, not for one bloody second, and that is why I left the Law too. I have a relationship with God, that has changed the way that I work in this world, for the better. I no longer compete; I collaborate and compromise.
For that to happen, I felt loved, seen and respected, regardless of what I had done, or where I came from. I know that the Universe conspires for my good, when I allow it. I also know that the Universe is friendly, and I’d tell Einstein that too, because he asked that question as well. I’m sure he found out it was, because he gifted us with amazing genius.
So, why would I think that towering over someone else is necessary for my survival? I suspect if we were talking about Constitutional principles alone, I could have flourished in a litigious environment. But even those cases involve someone losing something dear, and several times, to get review by the highest court of the land. You see it’s all about winning and losing at some level, and that’s just not where I am today. There is enough for everybody in my world; at least there should be. My self-esteem has survived enough “loss” to know what is real, remains so. Regardless of what changes form in my life.
Something more powerful than all of these Saturday morning revelations moves me too. We are meant by God to expand the patterns of creation, while everything we needed to act as whole and connected beings is ours, for the asking, and receiving. When I realized that God experiences acts of loving creation through us, I went all in.
My work isn’t about me so much anymore, and that is why I have the guts to do it, and put it out there. It’s a love letter of sorts, and a thank you that I got another chance to live my way into a life that makes sense, that matters, and that doesn’t hurt me, or other people.
I received my Bar Exam results on the day we celebrated Veteran’s Day in 1989. Don’t ask me how mail got delivered that day, but it was in my mailbox. I consider my self a veteran too, but of my own internal wars. I didn’t have to win that war, I was discharged early.
I saw a YouTube video of President Obama thanking his campaign staff, and it moved me to tears. He was so grateful, and praised them. He told them that they were better than he was, and I felt that like a hug.
That is collaboration in action; the ability to align together for a higher purpose and to recognize the stunning talent of those that came together. Especially when they are better than you. I know how that feels now, because it is happening in my life.
Stay tuned, and you’ll get to meet these women, and their work, real soon. We’re doing a free promotion for a few days called Giving Thanks, Giving Books. I sure hope you’ll take advantage of it, and spread our books around your world. Then, you’ll be part of the collaboration too.
Here’s Seal with Love’s Divine