” I Got This”
A good friend asked me for some help last night, and I’m sure it’s because I’m a former trial lawyer that specialized in Child Protective Proceedings. I’m also her friend though, and she accepted my perspective and direction, when the solution was a spiritual one, and not the legal one she had called to explore.
We did discuss many things about the legal situation, including my take that the lawyer seemed to be sliding by some important ethical guidelines, and had not spent time preparing her for a hearing that was set for next Friday. But, I don’t practice anymore, and must deliver broader solutions. We ended the long conversation with plan for her to focus on her spiritual fitness; all that she could really do in the meantime anyway. So much is out of her control, not to mention that she really doesn’t have standing in the proceedings. She has a huge investment in the lives of the children involved because she is raising them, loving them consistently for the first time in their lives,even though she is not their mother. My respect for her grows each time I see her interact with these little guys.
I told her to do what worked for me when I faced a really scary situation, or serious uncertainty. I make a gratitude list of three new things that I am grateful for, no repeats. On a really good day, I have three in the morning, and three at night. This helped me to focus on what I could see and touch, each day. She was breathing by this time of the call, and I could feel her relief. She thanked me and said, “I got this.” I laughed, and said, “Good. Call me when you forget.”
She was my angel this week because she allowed me to experience the gift of my sobriety. The seventh anniversary of my sobriety was January 20, and I let it pass without event this year, on purpose. I’ve always marked my sobriety by my gifts, because it took far more than time for gratitude to become a way of life. It was a process, and this seven-year cycle feels significant. I don’t know why, and I don’t need to.
This morning, I meditated by candlelight as the sun rose in pink hues over the horizon. I heard the little birds chirp and they stayed as I filled their bowl of food. There is a grace and ease and simplicity in my life that helps me pay attention; to attend to everything, as best I can. And, that includes myself this time. I don’t rush out the door after two pots of coffee and no food, without contacting God, and with serious anxiety about something. I don’t hear terrible stories all day long about parents that can’t or won’t love and care for their children. But, I still do good in the world, by the grace of God that moves me. I don’t have to prove anything either, or be right, or have all the right answers. I simply follow the love, in just about every situation, and the next move becomes an obvious choice.
We ended our conversation last night with, “I love you”, and we do. I told her to focus on the love, no matter what, because that can never be taken away.
This was such a simple exchange in my life, but resounding in grace. Seven years.
Here’s Bob Dylan with Gotta Serve Somebody http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xrdn20_bob-dylan-gotta-serve-somebody_music?fb_action_ids=591001350915660&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=.UPvbreaAc04.like&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582