Diana was a dear friend and helped me navigate the stormy waters of my mother’s mental illness. That was in 1990, and she was a psychiatrist. In a dream the other night, I was gifted with a memory. A searing moment of pain, and a phone call to her. I felt and heard her steady, solid voice as I told her my mother hanged herself, and I couldn’t make it for Thanksgiving dinner that night.
A long pause ensued, characteristic of those trained in her profession, but it was more. She held such a profound space for me as I struggled to breathe. She finally broke the silence, and said,
“Your efforts on behalf of your mother were heroic MaryAnn. I admire you, and I am so sorry.
Over twenty years later, I know that heroic efforts did not make me a hero, and certainly not a hero of love. I’ve still carried some trauma, and still heard her voice; the voice of pain and limitation. God Bless her, she suffered, and it did impact me. It’s humbling to do this work again, and in a deeper way. But I must.
Heroes of love clear away the debris in the way of love; the energetic imprints and patterns that were absorbed, but were not necessarily life affirming. It is courageous work. I’ve been doing it.
Sacred alchemy is mysterious. But, this I do know. I’ve experienced it, and will again.
I move and breathe and have my being in God, and God is only love. I am worthy of that love because of the nature of God. God created me in God’s image.
The universe is abundant and teeming with unlimited potential. It’s not about money or stuff, it’s about the life force and consciousness. Supply is always available, and that life force is intelligent. Before I ask, it answers, and that’s why it’s been so important for me to do some deep trauma healing. It’s hurt like hell, and I’ve not been my usual self, but, I know I will be better. My friend carries a piece of paper in his wallet that says..”The Universe is happy to supply my every need.” He knows it; he lives it, and it’s not a mental affirmation. It’s a spiritual truth, and a reminder. To re-member. I and my Father are one.
I’m grateful that work happens in my dreams; that my soul speaks even when my head is foggy and cluttered.
The Voice is speaking again, and I am listening again. Heroes of love believe that love overcomes everything. Even something that looks like death. I’m sure that’s why Mary Magdalene waited at the tomb, while so many others fled and freaked out. She chose to believe. And, she had the consciousness to see the Master when he appeared to her. That just might be why she was gifted with that grace. She had done the work; been initiated and could feel that kind of love.
She’s a major inspiration for my next book, and so are many of you.